The Machines Tell Me What To Do Now

I seem to have a bit of nostalgia in my writing these days. I wake in the morning, not naturally, but to any number of noises. A cacophony of beeps and blurps that go off. It is the morning wake-up call from the machines. I note in the mirror that I am starting took look like the Sith Overlord with red eyes and all. Shuffling into the kitchen I turn on my Keurig, which tells me, “Please wait, the water is heating.”  

The machines tell me what to do - art courtesy Scott Hall
The machines tell me what to do

The family is moving around now and there are a variety of devices calling out from TV’s to iPhones, microwaves and mini blenders all talking simultaneously. The Amazon Alexa spontaneously calls out that there is 30 minutes left on one of the two timers set. I’m late already, for what, I am not sure.

Admittedly, dealing with the machines has its rewards, like being reminded to do everything today. It eases my tension and boredom knowing that I am immediately aware that some evil event has transpired throughout the night and that the police are looking for the robbers, conveniently, in my neighborhood. However, the machines have their drawbacks. Like the fact that I cannot multi-task to keep up with them and therefore they add what I’m calling, secondary stress. My family tells me I am getting grumpy about technology.

I prepare for my morning commute by mounting my trusty silver chariot, a beautiful machine. If truth be told my mounting is more like an unceremonious plopping into position followed by a sigh with an utterance of, “Here we go.” My silver chariot comes complete with XM satellite radio and a Garmin Dash Cam that tells me who’s doing what and to whom. Usually, it’s warning me of my Magoo like driving tactics from changing lanes to near collisions. After arriving at work it’s on to my email machine to answer other poor saps being prodded by their machines to keep up.

Throughout my work day there are a comedy of errors. From working to set up the Webex to figuring out who just dialed into the conference. “Please mute your phones!” Somebody says, “Can we just use pen and paper?” The nerve of them. Sometimes my own laptop is demanding that I update to a certain configuration or else. It’s all conveniently timed with the IT people unceremoniously deciding to launch that important update patch onto my machine. More complaining, “If you shut down your work will not be saved.” It’s enough to make a person want to quietly leave for the day, which is what I do. I’ll tackle that Adobe update tomorrow – Harrumph!!

When I get home, I am just in time to listen to my machines tell me I need to finally get around to deleting some of recorded movies that my cable box has been warning me about. Or maybe I should tackle those pictures on my iPhone before I go over my 5GB limit. So many demands, so little time. I find during times like this it helps to remind myself of the acronym, WWTLD or What Would The Luddites Do? No scratch that, “Alexa remind me to set a reminder.”

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